Jul 18, 2008

Dear Life in New York,

Dear NYPD,
I officially declare that any automobile party involved in an accident precipitating from the hazardous and blatant jay-walking that occurs most frequently north of the park known as central, is legally free of any injury or penalty resulting from such accident.

Dear Adam Clayton Powell Offenders,
DO IT. I DARE YOU. Walk in front of my overstuffed car ONE MORE TIME.

Dear George Washington,
Here's the thing... your bridge seems to cause quite a problem in this city - and today the problem began clear up in 230th Street. Perhaps it's time to add another - perhaps the Martha Washington Bridge, or the John Adams Bridge. You decide.

Dear Target,
While strolling your well-stocked aisles, I wondered if perhaps I had erred in the registry decisions that excluded you. Your toasters seemed toasty, the rugs were wonderfully woven and then I arrived at your customer service counter with a $35 gift to return and I was immediately reminded of why I intentionally forbade your participation in my wedding celebration: YOUR RETURN POLICY BLOWS.

Dear Air Conditioner,
Alison Faulkner was spot on - it is never quite cold enough for husbands. I wish you were 10,000,000 BTUs stronger.

3 comments:

angelique said...

like the new look of your blog, though the title graphic makes the actual title a bit difficult to read
the jay-walking and bridge traffic aren't going to change, embrace them as some of those quirks that make NYC so...original
also, you'll notice them less once you're driving less, and then, one day, you will be a jay-walker yourself

Jake and Jenna said...

you are so funny.

Wendle said...

Target-bah. I'll protest their terrible policies by not shopping there for at least one month.