Jun 12, 2008

Dear If You've Been Stressed, Please Advise,

I'm making an assumption. You know me.

You know that I take too much on, then stress about it. You know that I invite 10 people over for dinner, wanting it to be a wonderful evening, but worry endlessly about twice baking 10 potatoes and can barely enjoy myself. You know that I say yes when really, I meant no. You know that despite my planning and organization, I get overwhelmed - then do something ridiculous like stub my toe, which sends me over the edge into a full blown meltdown- which Kimmy usually has to pull me out of (or at least used to).

Every now-married bride has told me to relax and just enjoy the planning and the day. Well, my married friends, EASIER SAID THAN DONE.

I've gone into stress overload- and despite my attempts to deal with it via exercising, meditation (yes, I'm inhaling for 8 counts and exhaling for 8 while sitting in a lotus pose conjuring mental images of a relaxing countryside), positive thinking, Tylenol PM and organization - I'm still losing my mind. I get in bed at 11:00pm only to fall asleep at 1am because I'm mentally reviewing everything that has to get done in the next 15 days. At approximately 3am every night I wake to find myself in a cold sweat, the kind that soaks through your sweatshirt when you have the flu. Each morning starting at 5am I wake up every 17-23 minutes. (And to prove I'm not exaggerating, ask Shea or Laura. When L climbed into bed 2 hours after me, I was awake yes we share a bed for the next few days. When Shea woke at 5:30 to go the gym I cheerfully greeted her.)

I'm proud to claim I'm a "morning person" excluding 1999-2004, but not this kind of morning....
Here was my Tuesday:

5:08 AM - wake up.
5:09-5:22 AM- Toss and turn
5:23 AM - wake up
5:24-6:16 AM - mentally review my to-do list
6:17 AM - check clock again
6:18-6:42 AM - try to sleep
6:43 AM - wake up
7:08 AM - TO HELL WITH IT ... got out of bed, got dressed and went to work early.

2 days ago I blew through a red light at the intersection of 800 N and 1300 East- causing 3 cars to swerve around me and lay heavily on their horns. I had no idea the light was red and had no recollection of the other 7 lights I might have blown through on the way home from the gym. The utter lack of REM has left me in zombie-like stage of cluelessness.

Even my boss thinks I'm a headcase. Yesterday I had this interaction:

President & CEO of TA walks by my desk, double takes and returns:
Dave: Are you ok?
Me: What do you mean?
Dave: Well, you look... you look...
Me: Like Hell?
Dave: Well, your eyes are a little glossed over and you seem tired. Must be planning a wedding!
Me: Must be the residual effects of the 2 Tylenol PMs I popped last night.

Here is my plea - I'll take any advice.
I'll practice any ridiculous breathing pattern.
I'll stand on my head.
I'll repeat calming phrases into the mirror.
I'll dig a mud pit and sit in it.

JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO SO I CAN SLEEP. (Matt wants me to too ... he's feeling the effects)

yearning for a comatose nap,


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Amanda said...

dear noelle,
i keep a pen and paper next to my bed and make lists. no matter how much i have written already, i write it again..something about knowing it's written down always makes me feel better...
wishing you stress free sleep-

E.F.G. said...

i think you should get a massage every week until the big day.

and then try hard to make yourself believe the truth, which is, you're wedding is going to be fine and everything will fall into place. you have a great apt and a great fiance.

Kent Breard III said...

cant you make one list, send your best friends to get it all done while you relax.. i mean they are your friends that you did anything they wanted... now let them return the favor, just ask for a little help!

Hannah said...

Its all stress until the day of the wedding. Even if every last detail is perfect, you will worry you're forgetting something... Spa day and nyquil worked wonders for me :-)
Also keeping an on going list that you can check stuff off of is very therapeutic. If possible dedicate a few days before the wedding to only wedding stuff. Knowing you have all of that time to focus without worries of work, moving, goodbyes, etc. will probably help alleviate some worries too. Good luck and if I can help please let me know!

Alissa said...

If you need any Lunesta, I've got a few samples. Paul LOVES them--they are a hot commodity in the Harman household (although they don't work for me.) Trying to enjoy the next month by letting go of a few gratuitous details would be the best, but pharmacology is a close second.
If that all fails, Kimmy is only a text away.

katie said...

I've been reading your blog (via the swapps) as well!

Glad you're coming back to your home state.

Find sleeping aids, but DONT take them the night before the wedding. My hubs did and got so messed up and was acting weird all day. haha. I'm sure your wedding will be beautiful. Good luck!

p.s. I have some lotto #s for you. lol.

Jake and Jenna said...

noelle. there is no solution. you will be stressed until the very end of your reception (yes, even the reception is stressful because it's not like you can miss saying "hi" to someone!) you probably won't get good sleep for another 15 days. you will be pissy, tired, and all of the above. BUT, with all that said, i'm sure you're learning to appreciate the little things that bring lots and lots of happiness.

my answer to no sleep: ambien. i'm being dead serious. get to the doctor and get some.

this is just the reality of planning a wedding. at least you look fabulous.

and i'm so glad you found me, cinderella!

ecrunner said...

Whoa partner! Sounds like you got a lot on your plate. Sometimes I get worried about all the work and things I gotta do but sounds like you worry a little too much ;). What I do to help me relax is I take a relaxation medicine called Absolute Calm. Its a non prescription pill but its not too strong like Xanax so its good for every day stress. I can also use them to help me sleep, just take one like an hour before you go to sleep and it will help u relax. Here's a link:


Ryan and Laura said...

Noelle- I remember the days all too well. It is totally normal to stress about the details and I don't know the right words to make the message poignant enough but here's my take 3 1/2 years into the wonderful life of being a wife...the day, the ONE day is only ONE day. It is important, it is significant that you found someone wonderful and charming and fantastic. It is important that you get married in the right place, by the right authority. It is important that you look lovingly at your spouse :) HOWEVER...it really isn't important what the place settings looked like, what your colors were, if the vendors put up black tenting instead of white, if your flower lady sends you the wrong order of flowers in the wrong colors, in fact...it doesn't even matter if your sealer is on vacation in Utah instead of at your sealing (can you tell I'm experienced in this one) What does matter is every day AFTER that day. It matters that you remember why you love your little husband (i.e. because he puts up with you stressing over the wedding or disappearing the night before to "think") Like I said, the words might not be right- but having lived through some good wedding day blunders- I love my husband more than ever and our life, every day, is even better than the day we got married. You will be FINE, you will be LOVED, and you will be MARRIED not too long from now :) GOOD LUCK!!

Mack Attack said...

You know I'm not big into meds, but have you thought of the possibility of anxiety? It might make your life much easier. I love you! And I know you'll love your wedding!

Anonymous said...

prayers... lots of prayers to sleep well... a blessing to calm your nerves and stress is also bound to calm you enough to be able to sleep. good luck

Anonymous said...

All of the above! Love you.

Alison said...

noelle, start chanting this with me now...

it doesn't really matter

it doesn't really matter

it doesn't really matter.

you know what really matters. always be grateful and everything will be wonderful.

love you!

auntie libby said...

my advise....this too shall pass!

Anonymous said...

Give up and embrace the horror. You can sleep on your honeymoon...