Dear Wedding Planning in New York,

Dear Abobe Illustrator and InDesign,
I have renewed appreciation for the creative geni (pronounced jean-eye, the plural of genius, naturally) who master your tool bars and construct masterpieces from your files. I, on the other hand, was wholly perplexed. It took me 4 hour to come up with a business card sized handout. I think I'll leave the masters to their programs. Microsoft office and Accessories Paint suit me just fine.

Dear Danny the Florist,
I'm not sure if "hot" and "fierce" was the feel I was going for with the ivory, blush and gold combos I described- but I'm looking forward to June 27th none the less.

Dear Gardenia Topiaries,
You're perfect and fragrant.

Dear Kinkos,
Quite honestly, I'm terribly disappointed with the utter lack of knowledge and life skills your employees have. Their lack of expertise re: paper weight and printing options was appalling. I shall never return to your lack-luster, leaving-something-to-be desired establishments again.... did I mention never? I'd also like the $1.80 I wasted on your services refunded, or perhaps donated to the "hire someone with a skill" fund. Thanks.

Dear Mental Exacerbation caused by Change,
I wish I knew a better way to handle you.

Dear Matthew Robbins of Artfool.
I've decided you are the lucky magazine of the event planning world. Your gorgeous designs and impeccable arrangements make every girl think their wedding should be that way - and maybe it should - I certainly am trying. Leading me to ask myself, is $550 for a stunning blouse really too much?

Also, if you could lend me back my bf for the weekend, I'd love that.

Dear Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Sundae from Friendly's,
I regret you. Entirely.

Dear Val,
At 11:15pm on Sunday the 13th of April - IT STARTS. Say goodbye to refined sugars.