Mar 23, 2008

Dear Needs to Go To Bed,

Dear Speed Limit Straddler,
29 miles per hour is TOO slow. 31 miles per hour may seem a little fast for you- but that 30 is more of a suggestion than a HARD LINE. should i be stuck behind you again in the future, rest assured that NY license plate will be 1.5 inches off your bumper, and i'll be shaking my fist in the rearview.

Dear Porch Torch,
Burning is both cathartic and permanent.

Dear Upcoming Springtime Lemonade Stand on the corner of 700 S & 1300 E in SLC,
We're picking our dresses and sporting the anthro aprons- we just cant WAIT.

Dear E-Bay,
You're right... I am a winner - of LAMB watches, vermeil earrings (yes, 2 pair), free people dresses, steve madden shoes, antique key shaped pendants, gold bangles, etc etc etc. I am, however, a loser at staving off addictive gambling behaviors. Be duly warned, once these next 12 auctions are over, I'm detoxing.
Also... i know it doesn't cost $12 to ship an item from Arizona. NICE TRY.

Dear Wave-Simulating Alarm Clock,
I think Laura Rees hates you- and rightly so- you wake her up far too early on weekends.

Dear Rooftop Discovery,
Can't wait for that tan.

Dear Alison Faulkner,
You're Alison Robertson now. (thanks to Hutch for the heads up)

Dear Alliance,
Should things move forward as I have planned (and truth be told, they usually do) - the Axis will have nothing on us. Whoever that is!

Dear Bridesmaids,
You should probably know that the Chloe dresses I ordered for you aren't coming. Don't ask. Just know that something equally as fabulous and figure flattering is on it's way.

Dear Valerie Leach,
Happy Birthday.

Dear Noelle....
GO TO BED.

2 comments:

Katherine said...

I couldn't have porch torched without you. When all else fails, rip right into center of face and apply flame directly.

emilyhutchison said...

Heads up- Alison Robertson. It always gets me too.